Make Up: Therapeutic, Traumatic, or both?

My meaning of 'make up'- sometimes an art form and other times a tool for controlling perceptions of myself.

As far as the controlling perceptions goes, this could be directly for myself, or indirectly for myself, through attempting to manage how others see me.

I have a history of complex traumatic beliefs revolving around themes of helplessness, control, and non-belonging- this is why I am careful with makeup.

Why? So I don't try and turn to it [make up] too much, as yet another means of control, to potentially get too attached to (food, intimacy, exercise, etc...)

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I use make up selectively and you might want to too.

Social norms shape our definitions of beauty and perfectionism- that's not new news.

Make up gives us an opportunity to play around with some of these ideals in a way that without it, we might not be able to experience (just being real).

Make up is essentially a way to participate in our society's social capitol system, often opening even more doors to other forms of capitol like first impressions leading to job opportunities, attention leading on to get special perks and kindnesses from others, and even attention from potential love interests, etc...

It's kind of like shape shifting an exterior paint job, to experience a more rewarding internal reality, with the bonus side-effect of receiving external perks.

The problem is, most of us don't necessarily stop to think about the self-referencing learning and consequently reinforced belief systems that using make up can have on us in the longer term.

Because in the longer term, a). social norms and ideals will change b). aging life experience happens, c). circumstances where similar means of perception control aren't accessible will occur, and d). if we become too reliant on make up, just like with any other substance, activity, or attachment, we'll begin to start defining who we are, based on the perception 'highs' we experience with it.

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Body-esteem and esteem in physical appearance can become confused for, or too enmeshed with, our overall sense of self-esteem.

Healing and or preventing this requires us to stop choosing self-soothing behaviors that reinforce the problem when it arises (putting on make up when not feeling good pretty).

What I do about this:

• When I don’t feel pretty (a vibe for me), I actually end up specifically not wearing make up and turning to a process I've delineated below

• When I do feel pretty (vibe), I might wear make up, but also might not.

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MY WHY:

Not feeling pretty is based on a socially constructed beauty standard we internalize and subconsciously rate (subconsciously, and more metaphorically speaking) our physical self perceptions based on, in any given moment.

Being a memory network therapist, I know that sometimes logic and feeling in the body don’t match up.

So it’s a natural risk that both or just somatic memory will generalize the meaning behind any feeling I have related  to a physical self perception, to my overall perception of self (for better or worse).

Most people might notice this, jump into solution oriented mode and put on make up to feel prettier if not feeling pretty enough.

It makes sense honestly, but it reinforces us in the longer term to seek validation from the skewed beauty ideals that fundamentally shaped the issue in the first place (subjugated messages about what pretty is).

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How you can change you definition of pretty and retrain you mind-body memory to reflexively adopt it

The first step is to meditate on YOUR OWN new meaning behind what the concept of ‘being pretty’ can more healthfully and sustainable suggest about yourself.

Ie, mine is about feeling feminine while unapologetically strong inside and out. 

I used to say feeling capable…. But then I broke my foot lol so I had to adapt, as you might have to too.

Then, draw your attention to a non-appearance related quality about yourself that you’ve had countless past experiences with, in feeling ‘X’ (symbolic of your new definition of pretty). 

Second, reinforce this new meaning by bringing up specific experiences in the past, that led you to have the desirable feelings behind your definition of pretty.

Third, reinforce this new meaning in the now, by first visualizing scenarios that might make you feel it, and then actually seeking out and participating in some of them.

Repeat steps 2 and 3 as if a new part of your daily routine.

What this process does is habitualize somatic memory to engaging in a more preferable response pattern of YOUR CHOOSING, when inevitably having to face future triggers of your previously internalized beauty standards.